Utterly Vulnerable

July 22, 2015 at 11:27 AM

Time spent, butterflies, heartbeats, realize, try again, feelings rise....

I met Nicole at a Von Maur within my local mall. Oddly enough I was in a search for my girlfriend at the times 1 year anniversary present. Nicole had a stunning pleasant figure with an extremely bubbly personality. Her personality sang of genuinity and without proper inspection could easily be mistaken for fake retail may I help you attitude. I could tell though, Nicole is the real deal. She is completely herself and this genuinity made her a pro at her job. I have a way of knowing true genuinity. She had beautiful dark brown hair that would make Pantene proud. It was straight and pushed up but so long that it hung down from being up. Her smile cast spells upon my heart that day. While I wasn’t looking for anyone and happily in a relationship It didn’t stop me from having feelings that day. Her voice was comforting and informative yet had a curiosity that could never be threatening or hurtful. She made an amazing effort to find a gift my girlfriend especially since I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. Her knowledge of the department she was in was impressive. She took me from one end to the other of the store just to show me a trinket that might be the perfect thing I was looking for. She explained each item in perfect detail and with each one begged for another detail so she could further help me. It was hard to listen to what she was saying because all I could do was listen to her voice. I didn’t know it at the time but I was crushing hard. I’m not sure if I asked for her help because I wanted to talk to her of just legitimately needed help with my gift. I bought an early valentine's gift and 2 other trinkets for my girl. I left the store never thinking I’d revisit those mysterious feelings that Nicole gave me.

Heartbroken and pissed I walked into the mall knowing it was not going to be a happy day. I had to return 3 gifts that day meant for my ex of one year who dumped me not 2 days prior. The Items totaled to 15 dollars but the amount was not the thing on the receipt that intrigued me. What struck my interest was the ID number of the employee that helped me that day. Being forgetful I had completely forgotten the name of the beautiful young lady who helped me that day. I did not however forget the feelings she gave me when we met. Standing in the store those feelings were rekindled, stronger and recognizable this time. I had to know more about the lovely that helped me that day. While returning the items I had could not resist asking the cashier to tell me her name. She responded candidly and laughing said, “That would be Nicole.” I thanked her and went to leave thinking a first name is all I would need. But turned and decided it wouldn’t hurt to ask one more question. I asked her if she knew when Nicole was working next. The nice Von Maur worker smiled widely and offered to pass a message to her but had no clue when she was working next. I got out of there to save myself from further embarrassment. Planning to return in a few more days.

In that moment I felt as breathless as I ever have. I did not anticipate how fast my heart was beating. I tried to shake it by just walking and just breathing. My whole body quived as I started to shake. I realized I cannot walk, use stairs, or even function. I wasn’t expecting all of these feelings. I entered Von Maur shaken but prepared to see the young lady that had become my crush. I walked away from the stairs just to catch my breath. I couldn’t even walk steadily. Maybe I wasn’t as prepared as two minutes ago. I was winded and nervous, a feeling I am all too familiar with. I am generally nervous around people being a shy introvert but this was different, these were butterflies. Leaving the store, I walked past store after store trying to calm myself down. I got to the Radioshack, decided that was too far, turned around and headed back to the Von Maur, two entire mall sections away where my new crush could be waiting. I walked up to the escalator and towards the department Nicole worked in. I passed an employee leaving her department who said “Hello how are you today.” I knew she recognized me, this was the same employee who told me Nicole’s wonderful name. we passed and I nervously said,”Hi” proceeded and pretended we did not see each other before.

Still feeling shaken and extremely nervous I could see the woman I was after and she was as beautiful as before. I wandered around her department hoping she would come to my rescue. After looking at gifts I would never buy for what seemed like an eternity I realized she wasn’t coming over to me. I approached the neighboring department where I thought I could see her. Two young ladies approached me and asked if I was finding things ok and I told one of them I was looking for Nicole. She poked her head up from the counter she was leaning over to do some sort of paperwork for and walked quickly towards me and her home department. I pretended to be looking for a gift. She asked me what kind of gift what gender, what occasion I coyly responded with just a gift, no gender, no occasion. When I was far enough away I finally came clean. I told her I was here to see you and that wasn’t really looking for a gift. We found ourselves in a blocked off corner of the department. somewhat private but unfortunately for my sake no easy exit.

Nicole was glorious in that moment. A glowing example of a perfect woman. Nicole proudly stood curiously as I explained my white lie. As well as my feeling that had grown with time. Her genuine personality is what made her so attractive to me. She waited patiently for me to make sentences. I asked her if she remembered me and she did, the guy with the one year anniversary gift thing. She asked me if me and her were still together. Things were moving as fast as my heart was beating. I could barely even produce words. I told her we weren’t. She seemed very apologetic and said she was sorry to hear that. We made small talk for a few brief moments as I tried to ease my way into the nerve wracking question.

Go out for coffee I said
That's where This story ends
I swallowed my pride and turned to the stairs
She said, “I totally would if not for my boyfriend”
Recognizing and stating how hard this was
Smiled, flattered said “You’ll totally find someone”
Grinning, hopeful, kinda mumbly, and scoffed
40 pounds lighter with my heart near the feet
On the escalator with no girl and no date
And sure as hell no heartbeat
This was my time spent utterly vulnerable

....Ask out, get denied

Tags: girls crush poetry two words
Category: Personal

Eli Davis

An interesting guy who loves technology